Cockblock Xmas
Sunday, December 23rd, 2007I feel like someone pissed in my cheerios! Nothing good about this morning! Stupidly, I committed to going to a bar last night with one of my buddies for a bit of Xmas drinking cheer. Not just any bar, this is what they term a pick up bar.
Before I dive into the story though, I feel it’s important to define what a Cockblocker is and to identify the most common and threatening of all Cockblockers…
The Grenade (the most common Cockblock)
This is the hot girl’s friend. She’s not getting play from anyone, so she gets upset, jealous, plays the best friend card, convincing the hot one to leave with her. COCKBLOCK!
I call her the grenade after a counter technique I developed - already a well established tactic of avoiding this kind of Cockblock. Have a friend “jump on the grenade” and hook up with the ugly one. This way you kill 2 birds with one stone – the cockblock and your liquored up dipshit of a buddy (Dave) who is getting in the way because he thinks the hot one is looking right at him.
Simply convince dipshit buddy that cock block is the hot one (not hard as dipshit’s vision has been heavily impaired by alcohol at this stage) and that he should invest some time in telling her how beautiful she is.
This also makes for a great story to tell the rest of your buddies at weekly card night as Dave loves exaggerating a woman’s beauty, especially when he can’t remember what the bitch looked like. This is the opportune time to tell all your buddies that she was a cock block hoe and of course, you can exaggerate as to how ugly she was and they’re sure to believe you. Just deserts for the cockblock and Dave.
Being cockblocked in bar is one thing, but when it happens at home, you can’t help but take it more personally. I had, what I considered, the right fall back to remedy the damage after the shitty night out and Cockblock affair - a full half hour session of sexcam therapy.
Armed with 100 bucks worth of cam credit, I hit my usual haunts to find much needed solace that could swing the night in my favor.
First up was RoyalPain, apparently a femdom, who turned out to be nothing but a royal pain the ass. I told her I had just been paid and was ready to blow the lot. Her response matched the look on her face……”So?” So, I ask myself, are you here for shits and giggles or do you wanna make some serious money?
I asked myself this question only after I’d left her miserable ass where I’d found it. Bitches like this don’t deserve my business or anyone’s for that matter.
AnalDesire was next and in total contrast to her name, she made mine totally disappear. What the fuck was going on? Had this putrid cockblocker from the pick-up (I fucking hate that term) bar alerted some sort of sad bitch sorority in order to fuck up what is usually my favorite pastime? Panic started to set it and so did the alcohol sweats.
BustyNympho was next and had a big job to do by this stage. She had to redeem the actions of the aforementioned bitches with gusto and restore ole Tony’s faith, and let’s face it, dignity as well. But just when her top came off and things started to go my way below the belt, she casually waved her right hand at my cam à la Jerry Springer hoochie-mama style and kicked me out of the session.
A range of emotions followed – stunned disbelief for about 2 minutes, indignant shock followed by rage and finally, revenge – well the plotting thereof anyway. This also happens to be the stage I’m still in, if you hadn’t noticed.
In an effort to get back at these bitches and to protect myself from falling prey to them twice – yes, it can happen to you too, especially after a few drinks – I have developed Tony’s Shit List.
On this Shit List will be anything that has affected me adversely including camgirls, cockblockers and the impetus for the list - the camgirl cockblocker!
How she can be allowed to exist and operate is beyond me. I didn’t offend her. Despite my potty mouth, I keep it clean when it comes to the camgirls ‘cos I don’t like to shit in my own backyard, so to speak. My handling of BustyNympho was no exception, so why she pulled the worse cockblock in Tony’s sexcam history is a mystery.
Anyway bitch, now you’ll think twice about sassing me! And this doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop applauding a job well done. I plan to go out of my way to make sure credit is given where due, but I won’t stand for random cockblocking.
On that note, Happy Xmas to you and yours and beware – Cockblockers are rife during the holiday season because they’ve got nothing better to do than to fuck it all up for you!
Just FYI: Dave woke up hungover. Two-thirds of his bed contained a sweaty mound of fugly cockblocker with unshaven armpits and huge bush. His genitals itched terribly.
